i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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