Betty ford says i'm here all night
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
