He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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