the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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