Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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