i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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