I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
