I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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