when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
