She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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