He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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