I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
