I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
