As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
