the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
