She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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