She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
