Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize
