its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
