I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize