Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
