have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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