Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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