Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
