her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
it was like his penis was on wheels.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
