i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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