i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
