i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize