woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
