Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
