I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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