just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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