it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
