trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize