The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
