Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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