somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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