sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
