I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
