This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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