i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
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