i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize