Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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