Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
