What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize