Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
