why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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