I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
