I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
