to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize