My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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