super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
