i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
