I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
