He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
