Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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