found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Four minutes until I can fart!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
