haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
