I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
