break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
