Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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