The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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