Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
