I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
