I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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