The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
