I'm so fucking centered right now
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
