I never want to see another naked old woman again.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
