Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize