Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
