you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
