wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
