Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Sorry about my life...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
