who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
