You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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