She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Dear god my vagina.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
