ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize