I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
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