five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
