I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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