and next time when you feel me up, do it right
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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