Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
