My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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