I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
