Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
