no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
