I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
