I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
