So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
