Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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