The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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