onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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