he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
