I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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