If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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