maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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