So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
