just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
