I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
