do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
