Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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