He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
