I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
